Christmas is over, I know, and most of you have probably had enough Christmas music to last you though another eleven months, but I have one last carol with which to test your patience. Forgive me, but the inspiration for this little ditty only came to me over the holiday, and as we are still in the Twelve Days of Christmas sweet zone, I figured it remained appropriate. It’s far from fine literature, but hopefully you will have some fun with it, bringing on a smile to help carry you through these waning days of 2016. Happy Year to all!
Mr. Collins the Rambling Rector
(to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
You know Ferrars and Tilney and Elton and Bertram
Grant and Norris and Wentworth and Morland.
But do you recall the most famous rector of all?
Tended to be quite verbose.
Reading from Fordyce’s Sermons,
you would find him dry as toast.
All the young ladies at Longbourn
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never wanted to dance with him
Despite his rightful Longbourn claims.
Then one foggy autumn eve
Miss Lucas came to say,
“Mr. Collins with your parsonage:
My hand to you I shall pledge.”
That’s when Mrs. Bennet lost it
Her nerves as shot as they could be
“That I should be forced to make way for her …
I shall never speak again to Lizzy.”