Ask Darcy and Thornton, Part Two

Ask Darcy and Thornton, Part Two

Thornton and Darcy

After Darcy and Thornton answered questions in their first blog post together, we received an avalanche of e-mails and letters, begging them for more advice. The Swoon-worthy Heroes have graciously agreed to give even more advice to the lovelorn. Take it away, Mr Darcy and Thornton!

Dear Swoon-worthy Heroes,

Back when we were still dating, my ex-girlfriend used to complain that I wasn’t romantic enough, so after she broke up with me, I watched your movies and learned from your examples. I picked roses from her garden and kept their petals in my pockets. I wrote her a long letter about my past. I showed up at her door in a wet shirt. I also took a vacation at the same time as she did—to the same place. All it got me was a restraining order.


An Unrestrained Romantic

Thornton: You must take care not to act in a strange, presumptuous way with the woman you love. I daresay that your restraining order would still allow you to surreptitiously attend the funerals of her loved ones. You may also wander the grounds of her childhood home and perhaps plead her case in court. By no means, however, should you make her aware of your continued devotion.

Darcy: Those fops who make movies would have one believe that all it takes to win a woman’s hand is a handsome face and a swim in a pond. Elizabeth showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased. I advise humility, much humility. Once you have developed humility in yourself, you may be lucky enough to discover that your beloved has received a humbling of her own, perhaps in the form of a family scandal. In this case, do your best to ease her burdens while keeping her in suspense as to your feelings for her. Like Elizabeth, she may begin to regret her choice and long to receive your affections once more.

Dear Swoon-worthy Heroes,

As the president of a successful company, I haven’t dated in a long, long time. Men are so intimidated by my job title. After many lonely years, I’ve finally met someone who’s sparked the flame of love in my heart. Unfortunately, he happens to have a much lower status at work. He is the window washer. How can I let him know that I’m not trying to buy his affection?

Thank you,

Hoping to Prosper in Love

Darcy: It is wise to consider the character of this window washer. Is he a Jack Wickham, putting on the pretense of attraction for the sake of vain ambition, or is he, on the other hand, more of a Charlotte Lucas, depending upon you simply for financial support? Be careful to observe his countenance for symptoms of peculiar regard for you. Failing this, may I suggest the services of my elderly, widowed aunt. She has a keen ability to ferret out the truth in such matters. I would discourage, you, however, from availing yourself of her match-making services.

Thornton: Above all else, do not shame your window washer into accepting any offer of affection from you. When I first met Margaret, she had fallen on hard times. My business was prospering at the time, and my mother warned me not to get caught by a penniless girl.

Soon the tables turned, and I myself fell into a season of want. This was when my dear Margaret inherited her personal fortune. Her first object, once she heard of my failing business, was to come to my aid. She took care to maintain my dignity, however, as she told me she wished to invest her money in my business because I could pay her better interest than the bank.

I would advise, therefore, that you focus on the strength and industry of this window washer. In Milton, we appreciate the benefits of a clean window. I cannot tell you how often my wife and mother have extolled the virtues of a pristine pane of glass. It is one of the few subjects upon which they agree.

Dear Swoon-worthy Heroes,

I’ve fallen hard for my fellow law student. She’s beautiful, intelligent, witty. There’s just one problem. All we do is argue. No matter what the topic, we always seem to be on opposing sides. How can I tell whether she wants to date me or simply debate me?


A Prospective Lover

Thornton: At first, my arguments with Margaret vexed me, and I struggled to gain her respect. I only realized that I loved her when she, in a rush of emotion, stepped forward to defend me from my foes. Afterward, she returned to her icy, cold disdain for me. Her emotions lay hidden, even to herself. She only began to realize that she returned my love when I defended her and her brother against charges of murder. This is a course of action that could come quite naturally to you as a prospective lawyer. Whether you can love a potential murderess is quite another story.

Darcy: How well I recall the early days of my acquaintance with Elizabeth. She often seemed determined to misunderstand me and found great enjoyment in professing opinions which in fact were not her own. I know nothing of this practice you call dating. In my mind, there is nothing for it but a direct proposal of marriage. In this way, you will know her opinion of you at once.




11 Responses to Ask Darcy and Thornton, Part Two

  1. Well any agony aunts had better look out for their jobs with these two around. If I need advice is there any chance of a response in person? Pleeeease????? 🙂

    • Thank you, Pam. I can’t help but think that Mr. Thornton is modeled, at least in part, on Mr. Darcy. As I read through both books, looking for similarities, I found so many things they had in common.

    • Mr Thornton and I hesitate to recommend such an option to Mr. Darcy. He may not consider writing a newspaper column to be very gentlemanly. But you know better about matters of Regency decorum. I will hazard to make the suggestion and see what he says.

  2. What advice. I love it. Thank you for a wonderful chuckle this morning. The answers are so in character. I’d love to be a fly on the wall of anyone taking the advice.

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