P&P200 – Elizabeth Remembers…
Elizabeth Bennet:
Derbyshire. That one word brought it all flooding back to my mind, all that I had so studiously endeavored to put from it. My heart had been set on seeing The Lakes, but my aunt’s letter two weeks ago not only put an end to that thrilling expectation, but replaced it with something like apprehension at the thought of diverting to Derbyshire instead. Even now, I am tormented by the idea.
I cannot think of Derbyshire without unhappy associations rising up in my mind. No doubt it is grand country, full of beauties that are not to be missed. But to me it can only ever mean one thing; I will be entering the county wherein resides the owner of Pemberley, a man I had fervently hoped never to meet with again in the whole course of my life. And I know he must feel the same. For proof of it, I have only to refer again to his letter.
Why I have kept it, I cannot rightly say. It is not normally in my nature to dwell on unpleasantness. But in this case, I make an exception. My culpability in the debacle with Mr. Darcy is something I dare not forget entirely, lest I should ever behave so badly again. How despicably I acted! How dreadfully I misjudged him! His written words at last taught me to properly know myself, and I have resolved to revisit them occasionally as a sort of penance.
Pulling the letter from its hiding place, I peruse its pages once more. The truth of his explanations concerning the two charges I so vehemently laid at his door, I have long since ceased to question. I need not read those sections again; I know them by heart.
Mr. Darcy’s interference with Jane and Mr. Bingley is something I continue to lament most grievously for my sister’s sake, although I can no longer bring myself to hate him for it. There was no malice in the case, only an error in judgment – a failing to which I proved similarly susceptible in the other matter. When I think what he and his sister suffered at the hands of Mr. Wickham, I believe I better understand some portion of his actions in Hertfordshire, some grounds for his distrustful reserve.
Although his careful explanations are most material in exonerating his character, it is always the beginning and the end of Mr. Darcy’s letter that cut me to the quick. That is where my conscience seeks to punish me, for that is where the man himself and how I have injured him are most clearly revealed.
Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten…
And then at the end…
…If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Oh, how these words have tortured me! If I still believed him to be a man without feeling, I could laugh at my own blindness well enough. Yet here is evidence that he has a heart after all, one capable of caring deeply… and being just as deeply wounded. Even should he one day find the charity to forgive how I have insulted him, I shall never forgive myself. But neither can I be content to wallow forever in self recriminations. I was not formed for unhappiness.
No, the only safe solution is that I never see Mr. Darcy again. He may get on with his life, well rid of me, and I will get on with mine, a little better for having known him. So there’s an end to it. Now, if only I can tour Derbyshire without him crossing my path…
Shannon Winslow
Shannon Winslow was minding her own business - raising a family and working at a practical job - when Jane Austen changed her life. Suddenly smitten by all things Austen (and "Pride and Prejudice" in particular), she was inspired to write a sequel to her favorite book. With the success of her first novel, "The Darcys of Pemberley," she never looked back. Now pursuing writing full-time, Winslow has gone on to write two more Austenesque novels with more stories to come. She lives with her husband south of Seattle.
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18 Responses to P&P200 – Elizabeth Remembers…
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Shannon – What a wonderful look into Elizabeth’s mind! I’ve always been certain that she continued to think about Darcy and his actions, the letter, and her own role in the “debacle.” I love that you referred to her reading and rereading the letter as “her penance.” This perfectly sets up her visit to Pemberley and her reaction to seeing Darcy again. Thank you!
Thanks, Susan! Glad you enjoyed it.
Your characterization of Elizabeth shows her to have the same personality as did Mr. Bennet. “That it would be done with such trifling exertion on his side, too, was another very welcome surprise; for his chief wish at present was to have little trouble in the business as possible.” I do not know whether that was your intention, but it was the feeling I received in reading this excerpt. Thanks for an enjoyable read.
“Mr. Darcy’s letter she was in a fair way of soon knowing by heart. She studied every sentence; and her feelings towards its writer were at times widely different. When she remembered the style of his address, she was still full of indignation; but when she considered how unjustly she had condemned and upbraided him, her anger was turned against herself; and his disappointed feelings became the object of compassion. His attachment excited gratitude, his general character respect; but she could not approve him; nor could she for a moment repent her refusal, or feel the slightest inclination ever to see him again. In her own past behaviour, there was a constant source of vexation and regret; and in the unhappy defects of her family, a subject of yet heavier chagrin. They were hopeless of remedy. Her father, contented with laughing at them, would never exert himself to restrain the wild giddiness of his youngest daughters; and her mother, with manners so far from right herself, was entirely insensible of the evil. Elizabeth had frequently united with Jane in an endeavour to check the imprudence of Catherine and Lydia; but while they were supported by their mother’s indulgence, what chance could there be of improvement? Catherine, weak-spirited, irritable, and completely under Lydia’s guidance, had been always affronted by their advice; and Lydia, self-willed and careless, would scarcely give them a hearing. They were ignorant, idle, and vain. While there was an officer in Meryton, they would flirt with him; and while Meryton was within a walk of Longbourn, they would be going there forever.
“Anxiety on Jane’s behalf was another prevailing concern; and Mr. Darcy’s explanation, by restoring Bingley to all her former good opinion, heightened the sense of what Jane had lost. His affection was proved to have been sincere, and his conduct cleared of all blame, unless any could attach to the implicitness of his confidence in his friend. How grievous then was the thought that, of a situation so desirable in every respect, so replete with advantage, so promising for happiness, Jane had been deprived, by the folly and indecorum of her own family!
“When to these recollections was added the development of Wickham’s character, it may be easily believed that the happy spirits which had seldom been depressed before, were now so much affected as to make it almost impossible for her to appear tolerably cheerful.”
Interesting observation, Regina. I think Lizzy does have some of her father in her, but I hope I didn’t make her sound indolent. She would go to any lengths to correct matters for Jane if she could. As for the mess with Darcy, there’s nothing to be done. That being the case, she moves on as best she can, rather than continuing to dwell on her troubles. After all, “Elizabeth was not formed for ill-humour.”
Shannon, I did not mean to insinuate that Elizabeth is as indolent as is Mr. Bennet. She is definitely her father’s daughter. She shares his wit, his love of reading, and what she assumes is his sharp evaluation of his fellow man. “For what do we live but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn!” Unfortunately, for Elizabeth, her skills at judging character is not as developed as she believes. I felt for Elizabeth’s self-chastisement when I read this piece. That is what I was trying to say, but not very successfully.
Okay, that makes sense. Thanks, Regina!
I love Elizabeth Bennet’s thoughts at the thought of going to Darcy country. Great post thnks
Shannon, this was so lovely – thank you for this glimpse into Elizabeth’s private thoughts.
I just loved reading Elizabeth’s thoughts on goin to Derbyshire and on Mr. Darcy’s letter
Wonderful
thank you
Glad you all enjoyed it. It was fun to crawl inside Lizzy’s head again after a long hiatus!
I agree. It was nice to hear Elizabeth’s thoughts on the matter. Thanks, Shannon!
Wonderful, Shannon! Thank you for the glimpse into Elizabeth as time passes, as she prepares for her trip. Was good to read more P&P200!
I loved the throwaway line that Elizabeth keeps Darcy’s letter hidden – of course she would have to, since otherwise there would be a danger of Jane (with whom she seems to share a room) accidentally picking it up and reading some of the stuff Elizabeth has not shared with her or, even more likely, Lydia having a rummage in her sisters’ room to see if they have left any money, trinkets or clothes lying around to be “borrowed”.
I thought a lot about that, Kathleen. We know she saves the letter, because she tells Darcy later that she will destroy it if he wishes. But where’s the best place to keep the letter safe – from Jane’s accidental discovery and from the maid’s (I didn’t think about Lydia rummaging, but I can sure picture that, now you’ve mentioned it!). Maybe she tucks it inside her Bible or her journal/diary. I guess only Elizabeth knows for sure.
I enjoyed the post. I think it really gave us a close up into her mind and feelings. I do think she is alot like Mr. Bennet. But in the witty way and ease of not beating the issue to death. Like both Regina and Shannon brought out.
Oh very good! Great to “hear” Elizabeth coming to her realities of the situation.
This was a wonderful little vignette to add to the rest in the P&P200. I love Lizzy’s voice.
Thanks!