P&P200: Elizabeth Reflects on Questionable Marital Advice
(In her own words…)
I know that many brides go to the altar in complete ignorance – and consequently in great trepidation – of what will follow afterward. Neither Jane nor I shall suffer such an unfortunate fate, however. No, with our double wedding only a few days off, I expect we will both be supplied sufficient information on the topic in time. We shall have enough in quantity, at least. Considering the available sources, it is the quality of the information that is in doubt.Months ago, Charlotte gave me the advantage of her wedded wisdom – painfully acquired, I fear – in the expectation that it would one day be of material benefit to me. I still remember what she told me then, and I have not withheld her penetrating insights from my dear sister Jane.
Amused, I responded with, “Dear Charlotte, you cannot possibly divine some fresh argument every night!”
“It is true that occasionally my resources fail me. I find, however, that being married to Mr. Collins is usually sufficient cause to put me in a very disagreeable humour by the end of the day.”
This I could well believe. But such a philosophy will never do for me. I passionately long to spend more time, not less, with Mr. Darcy. And I secretly hope to find that the marriage bed is something mutually satisfying, not something to be avoided. Although Jane is too modest to speak of it, I suspect she feels the same. Perhaps, then, we should heed Lydia’s candid opinion on the subject, as expressed in a recent letter addressed to us both:
“Oh, what a surprise you will each have on your wedding night!” she began. “I laugh to think of it. I daresay you will faint dead away, Jane, when your husband first approaches you. But Lizzy, I expect you to have a little more backbone. And you know there really is nothing to fear. Furthermore, I do not see why it should be only men who are allowed to admit taking pleasure in the physical act of love. In truth, it is often the only thing my dear Wickham and I can agree upon. So I find that, along with its other benefits, the conjugal act provides a very useful way of settling arguments.”
Jane gasped when I read this part out to her in the privacy of her chamber. “Oh, my! What are we to think, Lizzy?” she asked, blushing furiously.
“A puzzling case, indeed. One friend says we are to use a quarrel to avoid the marriage bed, and another says the opposite – that we are instead to settle all our differences there.”
“’Tis not sound, this advice!”
“I am quite of your opinion, Jane. If I love my husband, I must believe that his company will always – or at least almost always – be desirable. And temporary distraction is no way to settle disputes. No, we must hope to find more competent counsel elsewhere.”
But where is this sage advice to come from? From our mother? Earlier today she dropped a hint that she wishes to have “a serious-minded discussion” with her two eldest daughters after dinner. She said this with a significant look that conveyed considerable embarrassment, leaving little doubt in my mind as to the intended topic of conversation. And alas, the time is now at hand.
“Lizzy, Jane, come with me,” says Mama.
We rise and dutifully follow her from the dining room, leaving Papa and our two younger sisters behind. Papa gives me a pitying look, but I see that he is really amused.
Once in the sitting room, Mama closes the door. “We will not be disturbed here,” says she with a wink. “Let us get comfortable by the fire, and then we can begin our little… our little chat. The wedding is almost here, girls, and it is my duty as your mother to prepare you in some measure for what comes afterward. You cannot, either one of you, have much idea of what goes on between a husband and wife behind closed doors, I suppose.”
Jane and I look to each other for help, but neither one of us attempts an answer.
“Goodness!” continues Mama in some exasperation. “I never imagined this would be so very difficult. But it must be done, so I will speak as plainly as I can. You must surely know that there is a certain duty every wife owes to her marriage by way of procreation. If you are lucky, your husband may be patient and allow you a day or two to get used to the idea first. Sooner or later, however, he will insist on coming to your bed and having his way. I am afraid there is no avoiding it, my dears! You simply must each make up your mind to be brave about it.”
Mama lets that somber tiding take its effect before continuing. “You have a right to know the truth, but I will give you a word of encouragement as well. Unpleasant as the business may seem in the beginning, it is part of the natural order of things and one tends to get used to it. Some women actually learn to enjoy it in time… or so I am told.” Now it is Mama’s turn to blush.
So what am I to conclude from the testimony of these three witnesses? I find little of their information to credit and even less to emulate. I believe I must take none of their advice too much to heart. Instead I resolve to keep an open mind. I trust Mr. Darcy and I will make our own way. And perhaps my own investigations into this matter will come to a much more gratifying conclusion. I fervently hope that shall be the case.
Shannon Winslow
Shannon Winslow was minding her own business - raising a family and working at a practical job - when Jane Austen changed her life. Suddenly smitten by all things Austen (and "Pride and Prejudice" in particular), she was inspired to write a sequel to her favorite book. With the success of her first novel, "The Darcys of Pemberley," she never looked back. Now pursuing writing full-time, Winslow has gone on to write two more Austenesque novels with more stories to come. She lives with her husband south of Seattle.
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67 Responses to P&P200: Elizabeth Reflects on Questionable Marital Advice
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The Writers Block
lol I have always wondered what these conversations would have been like from Lydia and Mrs Bennett.
Glad it made you giggle, Patricia
Poor Lizzy when she gets advice like that
Fortunately, she’s wise enough not to take such advice!
Hilarious. So I guess the moral of the story is distract him in one way or another depending on what outcome you want.
…which depends on what man you’re married to! (Mr. C. or Mr. D.?)
I like how you have used E’s voice for this piece – I can picture this going on in her head and I like seeing things from her perspective, from the inside looking out.
Thanks, Kat!
But surely it would occur to both brides to seek the counsel of Mrs Gardiner, an intelligent woman very happily married to an intelligent man, qualifications which none of the other advisors could claim in full.
Ah, stay tuned, Kathleen. I believe that’s coming soon!
Don’t you hate it when Lydia is right? And why do I think Mrs. Bennet is not telling the whole story, hmm?
Haha! Yes, there is some truth to what Lydia says, Jack. But the one thing she and Wickham agree on can’t make up for all the rest of their sortcomings, individually and as a married couple. As for Mrs. B., I think you’re right, I believe you’re right.
Hee hee hee. Looking forward to Mrs. Gardiner’s advice!
Me too, but that’s somebody else’s bit to write.
Oh that’s funny. I laughed at Lydia’s “…it’s the only thing my dear Wickham and I can agree on…” well YEAH, that’s what got you “dear Wickham” in the first place.
Very true, Stephanie!
Love the advice. Its was too funny. Thank for sharing!
Glad you enjoyed it!
I can just imagine Lydia giving that advice. Poor Charlotte! I would have thought that she would have dissuaded Mr Collins by the religious route, discouraging lust etc, but maybe he was just too frisky without additional discouragement!
I am glad Aunt Gardiner is on hand or they could end up with absolutely no idea of what to expect if that is all the advice Mrs B would give them
Haha! Good thought, Ceri. That approach might have worked for Charlotte, except if he remembered the whole “Be fruitful and multiply” thing. Then she would have been doomed.
LOL, Shannon!!
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This was delightful and funny
Conflicting advice indeed…
Thanks, Marilyn.
Poor Jane! Poor Lizzie! What they had to bear in those days is not enviable. Definitely though, no advice from Mrs. Collins would be desired or necessary. Yuck!
Thanks for the post Shannon as it was quite diverting.
My pleasure, Rosanna! It was fun to write.
Good thing Lizzy is smart enough to take all this advice with a grain of salt, considering the various sources. How shocked she’ll be when she finds out Lydia’s advice was the best. Lol
I think P&P200 should be expanded to P&P201!
Grain of salt, yes. As I wrote in “The Darcys of Pemberley” concerning the dubious advice Elizabeth received on this topic:
Resolving to keep an open mind, she had been gratified, and not a little surprised, to discover that her own extensive investigation into the matter reached such a happy conclusion.
Oh no. Where is Mrs Gardiner when you need her?
Thanks for the laugh.
You are SO welcome, Lisa!
So what I would walk away from those tidbits of “helpful” advice with, had I been in Elizabeth’s and Jane’s positions would have been: keep your husband busy all day then when it gets to bedtime argue with him before but also lay there and pray it ends soon knowing there is a slim to none possiblity that hopefully one day before I die I may look to the marital bed with something less than complete and utter dread. lol. Great read! Loved it!!
Hahaha! Glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for summing it up for us, Dianna.
Well, that was just exactly what you would have expected each one to say! I was completely drawn in….well done! It hasn’t been that long since mothers have been giving the advice that Mrs. Bennett was giving her daughters. I’m pretty sure that was very similar to what my mother was told (if anything) by her mom. And isn’t it kind of sad that today no one has to be told anything?
True, Vicki.
Thanks for your comments!
Very witty. Like Kathleen, I kept thinking, why not Mrs. Gardiner!
She’s coming to the rescue soon.
Don’t listen! Don’t listen to any of it! (plugging ears)….Lalalalalalla… Find your way to Mrs Gardiner at all cost!!! As we all know, she is the only one with real sense, not to mention a positive relationship with her husband.
Sad that good examples of marriage are so hard to find in Lizzy’s world.
That was fun and had me amused because it reminded me a lot of how it actually is when people set out to give advice and can only do it from their perspective
Thanks, Shannon!
You are most welcome, Sophia! Glad you enjoyed it.
Lizzie is probably thankful that she didn’t get more detailed information from Charlotte!!!! Yes, the quality of the information she was in little doubt.
TMI about Mr. C – yuck!
LOL! This really made me laugh. I can picture these scenes in my head.
Yay! Glad it made you giggle!
Unless that little olive branch mentioned in the letter to Mr Bennet is literally an olive branch, growing in Mr Collins’ garden, there must have been at least one night when Charlotte’s powers of disagreement failed her. That said, it must have taken Mr Collins some significant research on this same topic for him to have any idea what to do, however pathetic his attempt. And who could he ask? Would Lady Catherine be of any assistance here? He doesn’t have any man friends.
Ah, yes, the young olive branch. That is a problem. But when I wrote “The Darcys of Pemberley,” I decided that it was a false alarm. We don’t really want Mr. C. reproducing, do we?
Now I’m wondering if perhaps Mr Collins could extrapolate how marital relations work from Lady Catherine’s cryptic recommendation of “shelves in the closet”.
Hahaha!
I have a certain fondness for Mr Collins. He always tries so hard to do the right thing, it’s just that he’s clueless. I like to think that he has qualities in other areas. I hope his garden provides him with pleasure and successful plantings, as well as the exercise that Charlotte promotes. And Charlotte will want children.
Uh-oh. Then you won’t like what I did to him in “The Darcys of Pemberley” or “Mr. Collins’s Last Supper.” Sorry, Beatrice.
I think Lizzy is right when she believes her investigations will come to a much more gratifying conclusion. And I am sure Mr. Darcy will be an exceptional teacher!
Well said, Jakki!
I wonder what this talk did to Mrs Bennet’s nerves.
I would imagine that there was so little discussed that it was still a surprise on the wedding night.
Mrs. B. might have actually enjoyed her moment of self-importance, and she probably congratulated herself afterward for how skillfully and diplomatically she handled the situation. Haha!
It just seems to get funnier each time i read this
You went back for seconds? I love it!
Shannon, you captured each voice perfectly! I can hear Lydia in my head!
Thanks so much, June. So glad you enjoyed it!
Hmmm. Why would we assume Darcy will teach her any more than she will teach him? I think there will be teaching and learning on both sides. Respectfully and enthusiastically.
Good point, Beatrice.
I’m glad I could give you a good laugh, Krista. Thanks for your comment!
Marriages in Austen’s novels do not speak well for an HEA for her heroes and heroines.
True, Regina. Our heroes/heroines had very few good examples to follow, but we must trust they found a better way themselves, to HEA!
All I could think, while reading this creative imagining, is how Lizzie might remember the conversation her and Mr. Bennet had about being a “connoisseur of human folly.” I look forward to reading more posts like this one and the pondering that will follow.
Thanks, Beth. So glad you enjoyed it!
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so really no information is given.
I do hope Mrs. Gardiner steps in soon.
So all three are not excellent advice but there is some truth in what each of them say. I wonder what Mrs Gardiner will say about this matter.