This! We should be talking about this, not how much Jane Austen’s ugly mood ring went for in auction. There, I said it, she owned an ugly ring. Someone probably gave it to her so it’s not her fault.

First of all, we should not all be talking about Jane Austen. We should be planning to see the Batman movie, at the Batman movie, or talking about all of the logical inconsistencies in the Batman movie, which was awesome but a little disappointing, now that we think about it. Get with it, people. Y’all are dancing around your tea cups or whatever and Batman’s hitting people with batarangs and climbing up prison walls that have bats in them.  Get in the moment, people.

Ways The Dark Knight Rises is like Pride and Prejudice:

There’s a rich guy and a poor girl and they don’t like each other at first but later they do.

Ways The Dark Knight Rises is not like Pride and Prejudice:

Literally everything else that happens in the movie.

Being an Austen Author does not mean I perpetually live in Regency culture, spending my days in libraries reading source materials from the 1820′s and my nights learning dances that are 15 minutes long and require a guy to dance with even though the guy-to-girl is never very good at Jane Austen functions. Whole hours of my day are devoted to things other than that. Sometimes like half my day is not reading blog posts about the history of the scone and looking at weird, outdated medical devices that actually weren’t used for much but look like medieval torture implements when you see them out of context.

Maybe I was well-prepared or just less obsessed with Batman I would have a long post full of meaningful content from Regency English culture that I did actual research on – in books! – and that makes me an authority to write about it. Like what they ate at social clubs or something about tailoring jackets. Or the history of the shawl. I bet if I put up a post with the title “The History of the Shawl” you would click on it, thinking, “Wow, I’m going to learn something about shawls that I never thought I would learn today!” And then it would just be an animated gif of Bane repeatedly snapping Batman in two. And I wouldn’t give it any context. Just that, and a black background. And this happens forever.

That would have been a great post.

Marsha Altman

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